1.
A married couple of 20 years were as normal as could be, bar one little quirk the husband had in the bedroom.
He'd only have sex with the lights off.
The wife assumed he merely had some shame in the penile department, but she loved him, so happily obliged. An added bonus was that it felt like he was actually reasonably well-equipped downstairs, so everything was good.
However, 20 years of blind sex took its toll on her and their relationship. In the middle of one of their love-making sessions, the wife dived for the lamp and turned on the light.
She saw her husband with his pants on and a dildo in hand.
There was a brief moment of silence, then the wife sternly stated "You have some explaining to do."
The husband looked her dead in the eye and said "I'll explain this when you explain the kids".
2.
He'd only have sex with the lights off.
The wife assumed he merely had some shame in the penile department, but she loved him, so happily obliged. An added bonus was that it felt like he was actually reasonably well-equipped downstairs, so everything was good.
However, 20 years of blind sex took its toll on her and their relationship. In the middle of one of their love-making sessions, the wife dived for the lamp and turned on the light.
She saw her husband with his pants on and a dildo in hand.
There was a brief moment of silence, then the wife sternly stated "You have some explaining to do."
The husband looked her dead in the eye and said "I'll explain this when you explain the kids".
2.
As they're driving, the
husband accidentally runs over a skunk. The wife, all concerned, makes
him stop to see if the skunk is okay.
"Honey, it's still alive! We can't just leave it here," the wife says.
"Dear, it's only a skunk. Let's go."
"No. We have to take it to the vet."
"Fine. We'll go after the dinner party. When we get to the party, just keep it under your dress to keep it warm."
"But what about the smell?"
"I don't know. Just hold its nose."
3.
"Honey, it's still alive! We can't just leave it here," the wife says.
"Dear, it's only a skunk. Let's go."
"No. We have to take it to the vet."
"Fine. We'll go after the dinner party. When we get to the party, just keep it under your dress to keep it warm."
"But what about the smell?"
"I don't know. Just hold its nose."
3.
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,...it's up to you!"
4.
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,...it's up to you!"
4.
well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down very smoothly.
at around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, the wife headed for home. just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. quickly realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. she was exceptionally proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him (even when totally smashed, three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
the next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him "midnight." he didn't seem pissed off at all! then he said, "we need a new cuckoo clock." when she asked him why, he said, "well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
at around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, the wife headed for home. just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. quickly realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. she was exceptionally proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him (even when totally smashed, three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
the next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him "midnight." he didn't seem pissed off at all! then he said, "we need a new cuckoo clock." when she asked him why, he said, "well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
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